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Using Digital Photos on Internet Dating SitesHow to Select the Right PhotosWe'd be lying if we said this article was about deciding whether or not to use a photo with your personal ad. The truth is, there really is no choice. Digital photos are so easy to obtain and are used so ubiquitously that not using one will raise red flags. The real question is not whether to use one, but rather, which one (or ones) to use. Why is a photo required? As we mentioned, it's easy to get digital pics these days - so easy that not having one raises red flags and looks suspicious. If you don't include one with your ad or have one ready to share when you respond to someone else's, the guy at the other end will assume that you may be lying about your age, appearance, or something else. (And as we've mentioned, lying about yourself is the worst thing you can do with online dating.) In addition, many dating sites with search capabilities now provide the option to filter out ads that don't have a photo - and most gay men use that feature when they search. No matter what you look like, not including a photo will yield dramatically fewer responses than if you include one.
How can I get pictures? Probably the easiest and best approach for obtaining digital pictures is (not surprisingly) to use a digital camera. If you don't already have one, it's worth buying one, but you may also have a friend who will let you borrow his. In addition, if you already have a 35mm camera, many photo processing centers can provide digitized copies on floppy disc or CD. (If you have the option, get them on CD, even if it's more expensive: the resolution and quality will be dramatically superior.) If you already have some favorite photo prints, you can always scan them, though it's important to only use relatively recent pictures. If you or your friends don't have access to a scanner, many photocopying centers have computer stations with scanning capabilities. And if all else fails and you don't want to invest in buying a nice camera, at least buy a disposable digital camera to take a set of pictures. Take special care with your primary picture. The primary picture is the one you'll post on your ad, or if the site allows for multiple pictures, will be the one you set as the default that people will see first. This one should be of excellent quality, fairly recent, shows you alone, and ideally allows a close, unobstructed view of your face. It should show you acting normal and natural - not in costume or making a goofy face. For this picture, try to avoid sunglasses, and try to smile, but most importantly, make sure it's an honest representation of yourself that you're happy with. Only use recent, accurately-representative pictures. You don't want your picture to deceive potential dates, because in the long run you only end up wasting both their time and yours. Your primary picture will ideally be no more than a few months old, or at least no older than a year. Secondary pictures can be slightly older provided that they're still representative of how you look now. Don't use pictures that are more than a few years old. Try to smile in your pictures. Some guys look hot with a sultry, somber, or brooding look. These are generally guys who could look good doing anything. But most guys look better when they're smiling. In addition, a friendly face is warmer and inviting, and will have a better first impression. Guys are cruising through ads quickly, making decision to reject or pursue a prospect in a matter of seconds. You need a good first impression, and a smiling face will almost always give a better one.
Be alone in your primary picture. You main picture should feature you and only you. (Including a pet is fine, but not another human.) If you have to explain that you're the guy three from the left in the red shirt, you've lost them. Even if there are only two people and it's obvious that you're not the 80-year-old grandmother, you shouldn't use it as your primary picture. Find one that's just yourself without any other subjects to distract viewers. Alternately, you can use photo editing software to crop others out of your favorite picture, as long as the picture still looks nice. (Don't draw a circle around yourself and cross out the others!) Take advantage of multiple photo features. If the site allows you to post more than one picture, do it. Find a variety of pictures that show you in different moods, looks, or settings. Choose some that feature you doing your favorite activities or hobbies, having fun at a party, or at your favorite vacation spot. If you have a pet, consider selecting one with you and him or her. In secondary photos, it's fine to select one that also includes other friends or family, providing that (a) you can be clearly seen, and (b) your primary photo, which they should have already seen, easily lets them know who you are. Pictures really can say a thousand words. The photos on your site can help show you "in action" doing your favorite things or showing your different looks and moods. Consider how much you want to "show" in your pictures. In the gay community, there isn't the same sort of taboo against racy or R-rated pictures. But such photos do imply a desire for casualness or quick intimacy that could undermine your ad if your goal is really only for long-term dating. Of course, there's a range to such things. Shirtless on the beach implies fun and outdoorsy, while shirtless alone in the bedroom implies something else entirely - and the more you show, the more sexual you make the ad. This can be fine for ads seeking casual encounters or a range of options, but if you're only looking for dating and romance, and want to take things slow, you may be sending mixed signals. We'll discuss the use of racy photos in more detail in a related article. |
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