Places to Meet Other Gay Men to Date
An Overview of the Hot Spots, With Some Pros and Cons
If you're looking to get into the dating scene but
are having trouble meeting guys, it's possible that you're looking for
love in all the right places. Here's a quick overview of some of the
likely places to look, with some quick comments about the pros and cons
of each. Future articles will explore each approach in more details.
Bars and nightclubs. Conventional wisdom
suggests that it's hard to find true love in a bar. The truth is that it
doesn't need to be harder than anywhere else, provided that you take the
right approach, and that you're personally comfortable there. Bars do
tend to be image-focused, so it helps to look and dress for that bar's
particular scene. The guys you meet will likely first meet you based on
appearances - which may seem shallow, but it's just a starting point.
But if you're quiet and shy, going alone is deadly. Always go with
friends unless you have the right ongoing personality to meet new people
easily.
Activities and groups. The flip side
to the common wisdom is that the best way to meet a guy is join a gay
group involved in an activity that interests you. There's some wisdom
here, but it's limited. If you meet a guy you find attractive in a gay
skiing group, for example, you'll know that you both like to ski, but
relationships are based on a lot more than a single common interest.
It's a starting point, no worse than any other, but also no better. But
these sorts of activities do have one advantage: they often allow you to
interact more casually with others in a low-stress manner that gives you
a better chance to assess compatibility than other venues.
Personal ads. Placing or responding to a
personal ad is a great way to meet new men. One advantage: you get a
clearer sense of the other guy's interests and goals than other venues.
Newspaper ads can and have been successful for many guys, but suffer
from greater space limitations than online ads. Stick to the Internet if
you can. Parties and events. Parties thrown by
your friends can be an excellent way to meet new guys. It can give you
an easier chance to mingle than in a bar, particularly if you're shy.
You'll both probably know others at the party, like the host, which
gives you a chance to learn a little more about the other guy (and a way
to get his number if you failed to get it before he left). But take
these events casually; if you're too aggressive about seeking to find a
potential match, you'll project an aura of desperation that can be a
real turn-off.
Getting set up by friends. Similar to parties
and events thrown by friends, but more direct. If your friends know that
you're ready to get into the dating pool, they can keep their eyes out
for potential matches and introduce you to their other single friends.
Hate being set up by friends? Don't be so proud, but be sure to keep it
casual with low expectations, at least at first. And above all, don't
get mad at your friends if their tastes differ from yours, or a
connection they think is right ends up not working out.
Gay men can be anywhere. In your daily life, be receptive to
finding a surprising connection anywhere you go. A chance encounter
anywhere can lead to a conversation, coffee, and date, and then...?
Anywhere, not everywhere. Just because you can meet gay men
anywhere doesn't mean you should aggressively pounce on every gay man
you meet. Look for hints that he might also be interested and available.
But for God's sake, be casual and natural about it! Constant leering and
aggressive flirting can be a big turn-off and can reek of desperation. |
